Sunday, 27 December 2009

Bang! You're Dead

When one tells a Doctor or a Mental Health Professional that one has practically considered suicide, which is to say one has a plan by which to end one's life, they give one a list of contact phone numbers and instructions on how and to whom to present oneself at the A&E Department of a Hospital should one reach that extremity again in future.

The list and instructions are a futile gesture - one does not plan suicide in order to cry for help, then one merely plans a failed suicide. One plans suicide to put a subjective end to the World, to from an unbearable and inescapable source of pain by ceasing to be, because when the self ends, the pain ends, and subjectively the World has never existed because the Self and its memories are gone utterly and irretrievable.

That time comes anyway, so better to make it a friend and a servant than await it through more sad and empty years as a feared enemy.

Saturday, 26 December 2009

The Damage Done

"Every junky is a setting sun, I've seen the needle and the damage done"
Neil Young "The Needle and the Damage Done"

There are worse and more destructive addictions than Smack as this poor bastard discovered.

Graphic Erotica - Sashimi Girls

I've no idea who made these drawings but I love them:

Friday, 25 December 2009

Hoarding Opportunities

Just as the worst slave-owners were those who were kind to their slaves, and so prevented the horror of the system being realised by those who suffered from it, and understood by those who contemplated it, so, in the present state of things in England, the people who do most harm are the people who try to do most good; and at last we have had the spectacle of men who have really studied the problem and know the life - educated men who live in the East End - coming forward and imploring the community to restrain its altruistic impulses of charity, benevolence, and the like. They do so on the ground that such charity degrades and demoralises. They are perfectly right. Charity creates a multitude of sins.

Oscar Wilde "The Soul of Man Under Socialism"

More than any other social group I despise the middle and upper class Left. Why? For a very straight-forward reason. They hoard opportunity as fiercely as any rich Tory, while paying lip-service to equality. They oppose selective education, condemning poor children to no-hope comprehensives, while using their own class privilege, be it money or insider information, to buy themselves into the catchment areas of good comprehensives and pay for private tuition for their children.

They complain endlessly of environmental degradation and carbon footprints while driving petrol-hungry luxury cars and flying to numerous luxury international holidays every year.

They support mass immigration and generally are the first to accuse the poor of being ignorant racists and islamophobes, despite its being the indigenous Poor who have their streets transformed and made alien by mass immigration and the children of the Poor who have to attend schools where most of the children don’t speak English as a first language. It’s the middle class Left who defend Islamic supremacism despite many muslims holding the beliefs and practices of the Left, from feminism to secularism in deep contempt along with despising this country, its laws, history. society, and achievements.

Yet go to a poor area and you will see many mixed race children, half North European, half Asian or half-black or whatver. The indigenous poor mix far more with immigrants, to the degree of taking them as partners, than the privileged Left do. My own close friend has a sister married to an Indian Hindu, and a brother married to a Bangladeshi ex-muslim. The only time the average bourgeois Leftist lives near an immigrant is if an Indian doctor or Turkish accountant moves into their secluded little close.

And these middle-class Leftists infest academia, deforming the teaching of everything from history to English Literature, deforming and denigrating our culture to fit in with a Marxist or sub-Marxist world view, this latter often disguised under the name of Post-modernism.

Having been of Left-wing inclination in my youth I’m aware of what underlies the damage the middle-class Left do, particularly the dimmer members of it – which is most of them: they are engaged knowingly or unknowingly in the Gramscian project to overthrow western hegemony from within by entryism and the destruction of canons of history and culture. This was an openly acknowleged project on the Left in the late 70s and early 80s, and it contiues to this day, even if many of the middle-class Left don’t realise they serve it.

Usefully to the interests of the middle-class Left, the destruction of western hegemony serves to exclude the Poor even further. The existence of the canosn makes it possible for the Poor to work their way through it by their own efforts if they wish – the destruction of the canons leaves just an seething lava of competing isms that one can only find ones way through with the guidance of the hierophants of post-modernism.

I would rather have greedy aristocratic Tories and openly selfish business people than the middle-class Left. They’re more capable of having fun and njoying themselves, and they don’t hide the fact that they manipulate the system to their own advantage. There’s no difference between buying your son a place at Eton, and sending your son to a comprehensive in a wealthy dormitory town and paying for extra tuition for him, while insisting that comprehensive education is fairer than the selective Grammar School system that at least lifted some very poor girls and boys out of poverty and ignorance.

Except there is a difference. One is honest and open hoarding of opportunity and the other is deeply dishonest. But then deep dishonesty is the nature of the middle-class Leftists, because the equality they affect to seek would – if achieved – strip them of their sedulously acquired and assiduously disguised privileges.

Sunday, 13 December 2009

Morales' Morale Moral: Ask Your Friends What They Like About You

I sent:

I've just been to my second Mental Health meeting - the woman I see, Leena M0rales (pure visigoth if you ask me, blonde, gray-blue eyes) told me that I automatically discount my good qualities when they're told me and can't see them myself, and she has encouraged me to ask my friends to list what they think are my good qualities (NOT my bad), and what they like about me.
I feel embarrassed to do so but I said I would ask.

From Ian:

Am suitably half-cut and ready to maybe tell you what a cunt you are - I mean how wonderful you are. First I'm off to the fridge for some more's nearly midnight an i have work in the morning...

not to mention am in the fucking throes of a nervous breakdown..

OK, so you want me to tell you what is good about you...

You're incredibly intelligent.
you're the perfect sounding board, because you're very honest with your opinions on things people do.
you're forever young - your eyes, your voice, your soul.
you also have a timeless quality, which complements the forever youngishness.
You are post-everything. You're ahead of the curve and waiting for the rest to catch up.
As such you are very bored.
and confused, but your confusion translates into an open-hearted quest for happiness and satisfaction.
You're very funny.
you're witty enough to virtually always cite a source for something you say that is funny/witty, and even sometimes cite sources of things you derived from such sources. That's rare and could get you shagged often, if you could but see.
you're versatile and adaptable (from fine art to maths to libraries)
you have a vast scope of reference and you can go into detail on it, unlike 99.99% of people.
you have a cheerful face. not in a "fat" sense but in a kindly wise sense.
you're capable of insightful and logical thought on a par with so-called brilliant writers and philosophers.

i'll do more tomorrow - it's 1:00 am and i'm pissed and have to get up for work in the morning.

From Bernadette:

How spooky
I've said a few things to you before rob when you've tried to convince me you're autistic

lol Harry asked why i was laughing and when i told him he didn't get it.

ok here we go not sure lists are the way to go

in no particular order

good friend - what more can a person ask for but think that you make a good friend do i need to quote any more qualities
so what makes a good friend the qualities that you share with the good friend stereotype
you listen - a quality that shouldn't be underrated
you try to help - again another quality that shouldn't be underrated
you are thoughtful about your friends and act on it
you are interesting and have lots of topics of conversation to draw on
you're good at sharing in that in a group you won't hog the limelight
you don't get involved in gossip which is good (sub text to that is at the moment the new people in the office seem to be a bit on the malicious side you would never criticise someone without good reason

The way you looked after your mother tells a lot about your character and your father.
I hope now you realise you can't be autistic at least because i'm not the only one who thinks you are a good friend.
More to the point what did Heather put?
I'm working on the friendship bit especially with one of my friends whose mother died a year ago and at the time i think i could have been more supportive.
Just by the by i ended up enjoying the Rossetti biog but now want a Holman Hunt biog as he's the religious one.

will think about the rest
but like i say can't think of a better compliment than to say you are a good friend tell that to the spooky shrink but let me know how it goes as i can't help being curious about the process

From Melanie

Hi Bob

Good qualities as follows


Loyal friend

Very caring son

Well read

Politically astute - usually ahead of the rest of us !

Good at finding out about stuff

Few bad habits , no drinking or smoking or drug taking

Very independent - doesn't ask for help.

That will have to suffice for now Bob - if I think of anything else -
will email you !

Lots of love


PS I heard you had a driving lesson - how did it go ?!

From Heather:

a good listener
interested in other people
no affectations
excellent facility with language and writing
tallented and able artist
can spontaniously see humour and laugh without self conciousness
can see the humerous side to things because you have the ability to look at things askance
you take my ideas and views seriously
intelligent and reflective
know a lot about many things, an auto didact
you keep trying, you keep persevering dispite depression and ill health
you get up and do something every day dispite feeling shit


Saturday, 12 December 2009

The Glare

I have done what you suggested
and the world has paid attention to my belief
but I am still alone

So millions think I'm ugly now
but it's the same old story
until I sing the song

and I sense you close

I believe you are watching
when I act foolishly
I believe that you are smiling
that knowing smile at me

that's what I believe

I believe when I am shining
in the spotlight's rarity
I believe that you are standing
silently applauding me

that's what I believe

I have done what you suggested
and the world has paid attention to my belief
but I am still alone

Words 2009 David McAlmont

From "The Glare" by David McAlmont & Michael Nyman

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Er ist der Geist, der stets verneint

Angra Mainyu

Rex Mundi


The Lie



Ich bin der Geist, der stets verneint!
Und das mit Recht; denn alles, was entsteht,
Ist wert, daß es zugrunde geht;
Drum besser wär's, daß nichts entstünde.
So ist denn alles, was ihr Sünde,
Zerstörung, kurz, das Böse nennt,
Mein eigentliches Element.
  I am the Spirit that always negates!
And rightly too; for all that  begins
Should rightly to run to destruction;
'Twere better then that nothing were begun.
Thus  Sin,
Destruction - in a word, Evil-
That is my own true element.

Ich bin ein Teil des Teils, der anfangs alles war
Ein Teil der Finsternis, die sich das Licht gebar
Das stolze Licht, das nun der Mutter Nacht
Den alten Rang, den Raum ihr streitig macht,
Und doch gelingt's ihm nicht, da es,
so viel es strebt,
Verhaftet an den Körpern klebt.
I'm part of the Part which at the beginning was everything,
Part of the Darkness that gave birth to Light,
The proud Light that now with Mother Night
Disputes her ancient rank and space,
And yet 'twill not succeed, since,
strive thought it may,
Light will remain fettered to bodies.

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

Roter Sand und Liebe Liese

Liebe Liese, lass die Gänse,
Ich will von deiner Haut probieren
Vom Blute rostig ist die Sense
Bist Du freundlich nicht zu mir?

Roter Sand und weisse Tauben
Laben sich an meinem Blut
Am Ende gibt es doch ein Ende
Bin ich doch zu etwas gut


I became very sleepy around 4pm yesterday and began to fall asleep. Before I fell asleep but was feeling very dozy and relaxed I had a hard-on.
How come I sometimes get hard-ons when I'm on the edge of sleep or wake up in the night with them, but can't when I need them, managing a rare semi-on at best?