Emulation

Here are a couple of my own attempts to depict a Tosh1o Saek1 subject but in my own editorial style. I can't put a date to this piece, but I'd guess I made it about 15 years ago.

I provide both the black and white rough and the finished piece insofar as it was finished before I become bored with it.

Graphic

Tosh1o Saek1, one of the few artists whose work gave me a hard-on, back in the day when I could get hard-ons. I like the surreal sadism and perversity.

Here is a small collection harvested from the Web. I'll add more from my own collection in a later post.

The descriptions are what I see, not the original scenarios, as I cannot read the Japanese in the books from which I copied the pictures.



Often it's not immediately obvious what's happening - here, if you look close, the girl in the school clothes lying prone on the grass has taken her knickers off so that a snake can burrow up her cunt, or perhaps the snake is just crawling over her bum and its head appears to be one of the leaves.



More obviously this girl, again in school clothes, is being fucked by a procession of wind-up automatons



The woman sitting on the stairs is penetrated by her lover's head, which has turned into a cock, while a young girl spies on the couple.



A traditionally dressed woman, watched by her husband squats baring her crotch to a man held captive in the water - is she taunting and tempting him with the sight of her genitals, or is she about to piss or shit on him?



A captive woman in traditional dress has her blood sucked from her left breast by a vampiric man (who looks remarkably like Bryan Ferry) while vampire bats gorge themselves on the menstrual blood dripping from her womb.



One of my favourite images - a girl in uniform goes for a night-time bike ride, her bicycle seat transformed into a man's face, his open mouth and tongue ready to probe her cunt and arse if she sits down.



Saeki is fond of portraying bound young women lowered onto sharp objects. Here a young woman is threatened with death by impalement via her vagina while her horrified male companion watches.



A subtle but extremely perverse image I'll let speak for itself.



Having caught and bound a lovely mermaid, the man prepares her for fucking by making his own hole with a sturdy twig. Myself I always imagined that Mermaids and Mermen are dolphin-like below the waist and so have mammalian genitalia. Still, an image I find very sexy.



A woman is exorcised of a fox demon, which emerges from her cunt.



A murderous demon creeps up on a goddess while she masturbates using a living human man as a dildo.

Blowing a Wad

The contents of a shopping bag of porn I'm about to throw out. The pile is about an inch thick even spread out like this. What a sickening waste of money, what a heartbreaking waste of a life, over 35 years of life wanked away over this.

Even if there was no woman who would love me, who would make love with me, this was a ridiculous and wasteful substitute.

I'd have been better even spending on some whore, at least if I never knew love, I'd at least had the animal pleasure of poking my cock up some slapper's guts a few times.

Fairyland

Looking on Overchan and Overbooru for pron and win to fap over, I found a thread of artwork by Ben Newm@n on a new chan board. His anatomy is a bit off as is his finish, but the actual themes of his artwork are close to what I was producing myself before I abandoned art.

The first illustration I saw was the one below "D0r0thy's Itch", which is technically the weakest but very similar to a scenario I once attempted myself. I'd have placed them in an Oz scene, on the Yellow Brick Road or in the Emerald City, I'd have made Dorothy look like the 16 year old Judy GarIand or Fa1ruza BaIk, I'd have given the Cowardly Lion a barely visible hard-on, I'd have made Toto smaller, and Dorothy would have slightly dirty knickers round her ankles, but otherwise I'd keep close to Nwm@n's composition.

I'm glad to have discovered this illustrator.

All credits for artwork is his.

Cut and paste to visit:
http://ben.isfj.org.uk/index.html
http://bennewmanart.blogspot.com/
http://www.bennewman.co.uk/

Billie

Throwing out old newspapers and magazines this afternoon I found this photo of Billie from 1995. I've found her attractive since - oh - 1989 and never done a thing about it. As usual I believed I had nothing to offer. A nice normal intelligent working class woman, still bump into her most weeks. She's in a relationship of course - isn't every woman worth wanting?

Outgoing, funny, bright, ok face, good figure, really shapely waist, hips, bum, and thighs.

I put it here just to show I don't fancy extraordinary women, I fancy women who would be - would have been - in my league had I not made myself fat and ruined my health.

Back to Openness

I've become doubly and stupidly embarrassed to post topics here that might make me look small or perverse in H's eyes. A tiny part of the emotional me hangs on to a distant hope that I can win her to me, and cries "don't write that, it will lesson your tiny chance once you've put your life and health in some order". The thinking me knows that while little is utterly impossible, the chance of this is so vanishingly small as to be not worth considering. Another part of me forgets that I've already revealed my core of seediness and perversity on previous blogs and she has read them, so she already knows about me.

Had I expected to fall for her I would have never have mentioned these things at all, but I didn't expect to fall and I have mentioned them.

This was not a problem with Ian, he already knew my sexual outlook at least in overview, as does Olga. Olga indeed knows more than anyone. Rh has a good idea of my proclivities if not an understanding of the details, and given that she told me quite recently, without encouragement from me, that she likes giving head but doesn't like getting eaten out herself, I can't imagine she would or will be shocked. John also knows my tastes and I know his, so if he finds this blog he won't be taken aback. And I was never going to fall any of them, they're the wrong sex or too old for my tastes.

I resolve to be open again, and see if writing about my sexuality and my pornography helps me, and forget about what effect it might have on other people's opinions of me. As for H, she either likes me as a person despite what she already seen and read, or she doesn't. The worst I'm doing is reminding her of something she already knows.

To begin with I've republished several posts that I wrote and then reduced to Draft status from shame.

Henceforward back to openness.

False Measure

I've just realised that I shackled myself when a young man by trying and failing to live up to an imaginary and impossible ideal of what I had to be to have a chance with women, rather than looking at the other young men, young couples around me, and realising that I was no worse and often better than those men. But I judged myself very poorly against the impossible ideal in my head, a standard neither I nor probably any man could ever have met, and which was so far above me I was disheartened even by thinking about.

The sad thing is that these insights win me back not one second of the time I've lost, not one single chance I let slip by. I'm still right here, while those other young men, and those young women have moved far, far ahead and are now middle aged people with life lived and expectations of a partner much greater.