Turns out that every - EVERY - woman I know was motivated to be in touch with me because she felt sorry for me, not because she particularly liked me.
I had thought that even though I was clearly unable to attract women, being fat, bald, and poor, women at least liked me as a person enough to choose me as a friend for that reason.
I've spent three days checking back over my friendships with women and in every one, pity was their major motivating force, and at some point in the friendship women were remaining in touch with me despite their reluctance to do so, or even broke contact because they couldn't bear me any more.
I had not realised I was so hard to be around, or was estimated so lowly.
In this depression, this mental illness, I keep thinking I am feeling as bad as I ever could, only for something to pull me lower.
I actually chose to step on this particular trap-door by asking a woman directly about pity.
I have a will to self-destruction.
I have no idea what to do now.
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How many MEN bothered to 'get in touch' with you when you were hurting and lonely. Apart from JG who has been in permanent touch ,did any male aquantances invite you out for a drink or give you a call on the phone?
ReplyDeleteThought not! Its what women do Bob; 'care'!
Yes, several male acquaintances did what you ask . Men aren't heartless bastards.
ReplyDelete